The Anxiety of "Competition"
Resisting fear from similarity
When in the middle of a project I really believe in, I get incredibly anxious when I see anyone with a large online audience discussing ideas related to the project. Those are my problems to solve, how dare you be interested too.
Why?
The first instinct might be that I’d be excited. That this would indicate I am working on something worthwhile. And that is right, I can sense that feeling there too. But the dominating feeling is anxiety.
Why?
It is because I still have ambition for the project, it isn’t yet where I know it can get. The gap between where the project is today and where I hope it will be tomorrow is the measure of how anxious I feel.
If someone Tweets out the exact idea for a project I’ve already completed, the feeling is excitement, joy, and eagerness to share the project with them. Because I feel the work is complete and completed well. I gladly reply with the link and feel kinship with the person who had the same need or want that I did when building the thing. But if the project is currently underway, the feeling is that I must get back to work. That there is suddenly a race to the finish line, and that someone else who is smarter and faster might swoop in and beat me there. And this kind of work motivated by external pressures is the precise opposite of what I am trying to do with my work. I want to work on my own terms, define my own deadlines, and build my own roadmap.
Part of me wonders if the anxiety of a competitive market is useful. I could make the argument that shielding yourself from the market pressure to finish your work faster and more thoroughly is indeed a very bad thing. If you want the privilege of leisure and infinite timelines perhaps take up poetry.
But another part of me is urged to resist the unpredictable whimsy of the weekend builders who might explore the lower valleys of an ambition I am pursuing when I am already countless months into the terrain. Let them come. I won’t be watching them, I will be working diligently and thoroughly.
Easier said than done though.